Story by: Esther McInnes.

Early September 2004 I was drying myself after a shower and happened to look down. One breast appeared to be a different shape from the other. On closer examination I felt a lump about the size of an apple in the left breast. ‘Oh shit!' I thought. ‘This is not good.'

My family was going through a crisis at the time with the deaths of a nephew and niece from different families within a week. The last thing I needed was something like this to add to the mess.

I told no one and kept thinking ‘I must be wrong' but each time I checked it was still there. A few weeks went by until the morning of September 29th that I woke knowing it was true and time to face facts. I rang to make an appointment with a doctor and elected to see the first one available. (I seldom go to doctors and had none I'd call ‘my GP'.) The appointment was at 9.15am, in just 25 minutes, barely enough time for us to get to town. I took the appointment. I didn't want time to find an excuse to delay any longer.

Worse still I told Don the reason for my appointment on the way into town. He was the first person I mentioned it to and naturally he was stunned.

First I was sent for x-rays and at the x-rays clinic was told that I must make appointments. When I told them the Doctor expected me back that day with the results they said they could squeeze in the chest x-ray, but were emphatic I'd have to make appointments for the rest. After the chest x-ray I was told not to dress because they probably could squeeze the mammogram in as well. The lady who conducted that procedure was so concerned she went and arranged that the scan be done immediately as well.

On returning to the surgery the Doctor started ringing to make an appointment for me to see a surgeon as soon as possible. Gympie had too long a waiting period so I elected to go to Noosa. The words ‘breast cancer ‘ were first mentioned then although I already knew that's what it was and had accepted the fact. I also felt that it was too far-gone to avoid surgery (and have since heard that if a tumour is too large the body has little chance of destroying it.) That was when I decided I had to make some huge lifestyle changes starting right away. No more sitting on the deck with a few or more glasses of wine watching the sun go down every day. The grog had to go to give my body a fighting chance at surviving this thing.

Throughout the years I had read of natural cancer cures and knew that there were other paths but I also needed to hear what the ‘system' had to offer.

Two weeks from that first appointment I was booked to have a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed. I do feel cheated about not being given all the facts about the effects of having lymph nodes removed. All I was told by the surgeon was that I'd be left with a little numbness in the upper arm. Nothing about lymphodema or other problems.

With these arranged I phoned Mum with the news. She was appalled and next day came from Caboolture bearing heaps of vitamin and mineral supplements, which she sells. Mum was also quite keen that I not have the surgery however I felt it was the right thing.

The morning of the operation I was taken to have a hook wire inserted in the tumour under guidance of a scanner. After the operation the Doctors came and told me they had found four tumours. One was 4.8cm,another 3cm and 2 at 1.5cm. I wonder why they didn't know what they would find prior to my operation because I had had both a mammogram and a scan? I also had cancer in 5 of the 10 lymph nodes they removed meaning I was at stage 3 with lobular cancer of the breast.

The doctor then came with the news that I should have a mastectomy. I thought, “I can't go through that pain again” and shed another tear but he then said it was not as invasive as the op I'd just been through. I was not particularly worried about the mastectomy after that assurance of less pain. He also said I would need chemo and radiation.

Even at this stage I was pretty sure I wouldn't accept chemotherapy or radiation. It seemed to me totally illogical to destroy my body's only way of fighting the cancer. Someone visiting the ward overheard me say as much and said “You must contact Cansurvive” and they came back to me with Eve's name and phone number.

During the interval between op's I phoned “The fountain of Life' clinic on the Gold Coast to try to get a supply of B17 or apricot kernels. The answer was that B17 was only available after I'd completed all standard therapies and been ‘given up on' by the system. Also it was only available if the government gave my case a special okay. Each case has to make a special application. It is not legal to bring it into the country. It would also cost $10,000, which I don't have.
During this time I was also reading Phillip Day's books that supported to my ideas about boosting my immune system rather than poisoning or cooking myself.

From another source I got information that apricot kernels were available through a company in Victoria but once again someone at the hospital overheard me and gave me a local address where they are available a lot cheaper.

Having secured a supply of kernels I spoke by phone to a Doctor associated with Nuways who provided me with a program of daily
supplements and guidance on what I must
include or eliminate in my diet. The major change for me was to eliminate all pork products and processed foods and to have mostly fruit and vegetables of which I ate very few.

Next I had to have a bone scan, a CT scan and an echocardiogram prior to the visit to the oncologist. These were clear of any signs of metastases.

I can only think that the oncologist was having a bad day on my first visit. The waiting area in the cancer ward gave me the horrors. The Doctor was one and a half hours late seeing me, then spent most of that first consultation trying to work out the maths to decide whether having two tumors over 2cm meant I was in greater danger of dying of cancer or not. He was also puzzled by my report that said the tumours had weak estrogen receptors. Usually you either have them or you don't. He said he would discuss this with his colleagues before my next appointment. However, he thought he would like to put me on an aggressive course of chemo, which would cost the taxpayers $12,000. He also asked me how far out of town I lived. ‘In case I was one of the relatively few cases who suffered heart problems from the chemo.' He decided that the ambulance would probably get to me in time.

If I hadn't been sure about not having the treatment previously I had certainly just been convinced that I was not going to have chemo. I mentioned my reservations about the treatment at the time and explained that I couldn't afford to live away from home while I was on the stuff and I was sure it would destroy our sewerage system. The chemicals must go somewhere. He said he'd never heard that one before and of course discounted the idea. Perhaps the drug companies should have to prove environmental safety all the way through the system when they create these drugs.

I left without a further appointment but was phoned by the nurse who gave me another appointment and said as I had decided I wasn't going to go ahead with chemo suggested that I should contact a group called 'Cansurvive'.

I rang the number I had been given for Eve. Unfortunately it happened to be the day after the final meeting of the year. It was very good to know that I wasn't on my own with the alternative ideas though.

The next appointment arrived and the oncologist admitted that he'd forgotten to raise the matter of the weak estrogen receptors at conference. The second session then became another math's session. He pointed out that I had an eighty-three percent chance of getting more tumours. With chemo and radiation I still had a fifty-one percent chance of getting tumors again but he was sure the figure after his program was actually better than the official figures. Then he pointed out that I had a better chance of winning the lottery than not getting cancer again. I though “Boy, am I in trouble! I don't even take lottery tickets.”

I believe it is less of a gamble for me to take responsibility for my own health even if I have left it pretty late. He can gamble if he likes but not with my life.

I told him that I was definitely not going to have the chemo. “And just what are you going to do when you have this oozing mess of rotting flesh? We won't be able to help much then.” I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say. As far as I was concerned the cancer had been removed and I had made huge changes in my lifestyle that would avoid its return. He told me that it wouldn't help because it was a genetic thing and tall women get it – I'm only 5'4” (hardly tall) and it runs in families (no one in my family has ever had it.) Confidence building stuff and not a very auspicious start.

I agreed to visit a radiologist and to accept a prescription for Tamoxifen, which I purchased from a chemist. But before taking any Tamoxifen I heard that women on this medication had been getting blood clots. (I have since heard of others who have developed tumours in spite of this stuff). It remains untouched in my refrigerator.

The radiologist wanted to irradiate everything from about my waist up on the left side. I would have had to pay up to the gap before the government would start paying and would need to come to Nambour (a hour and a quarter drive each way) daily, five days per week for at least three weeks. It would probably leave me feeling tired and I would need to be driven and looked after for some time afterwards. I have not felt unwell at all and have no intention of doing anything to change that. Everything the oncologist and radiologist said seemed to reinforce the conviction that I am doing the right thing.

I feel that I have been guided all the way in making my decisions. Every time I have felt at a loss the information I needed has presented itself. It is still happening now and I am confident that I am on the right path. Cansurvive have been a great support and one of the most valuable sources of information.

In the beginning I thought that diet alone was the answer to curing cancer but I've learnt that it's simply not that easy. Lifestyle change are essential but it takes all of the power within and then some and what ever we do we must not surrender our own personal power to the system.

The oncologist also said it would be a miracle if I didn't get a recurrence of cancer and he said he didn't believe in miracles. If that's what it is going to take then I aim to be that miracle.